Over the last week I have been working insane hours so that I can hopefully be able to afford a possible move to the West coast in the near future in, addition to finishing the ridiculous amount of work I have had to do in my classes. (Graduate school can be a pain sometimes).
Then Yesterday in the middle of my global behavior economics exam I had a moment of clarity. WHY AM I STRESSING MYSELF OUT OVER THINGS THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER?!?
Don’t get me wrong, I believe that it is important to have some type of plan which will allow you to navigate through life, but it makes no sense to stress yourself out and to put yourself down when you are not in a position to accomplish your life goals right away. Also remember that plans change….often!
For example, my plan was to have all of my work done by this weekend. I can tell you now that it’s not going to happen. I do know that before May 18 I have to finish all of my final projects in all four of my graduate classes prior to starting my graduate capstone on May 9th. In addition to, I also have to find an internship, decide if I’m staying in Boston next year and if so resign my apartment lease. If I decide not to stay I need to sell a large portion of everything I own so that the move to the west coast Will be easier. THEN I have to find a job on top of said internship so that I may be able to support myself. AND I probable find a place to live…Yeah….that would be great….
All of this within itself has causing me such grief that I have been putting myself down. I’ve been asking myself why I don’t have everything together yet. Why am I not in a situation where I can get all of this work done and have my post graduate life together? I’ve been angry with myself for not being “functional human being” when I have been receiving on average four hours of sleep per night.
Basically I haven’t been being very kind to myself and remembering that I am only human. I have my flaws and my shortcomings but that doesn’t make me a bad person.
(Side note) I know that during a very important exam isn’t the normal point in my day where I should have been having this moment of realization, but that is also out of my control. BUT! What is within my control is being kind to myself.
So what I don’t know what I’m doing yet. I know that something will pan out and I will be able to get to where I need to be. I know that if I keep sending out resumes and going on apartments that eventually someone will see my potential and hire me. Then I will be able to plan where i want to go and where i want to live ect.
So until then I’m going to be kinder to myself and to stop stressing. I know I can’t be the only person who feels like this so I’m here to remind us all to be kind. Be kind to other and be kind to yourself. Just take a few seconds to remind yourself you are exactly where you need to be.
I red a quote earlier today, but I can’t remember the source or the exact word but the gist of it was “Do not compare your chapter 1 to someone’s chapter 20. ” We all go through life at our own paces…so stop making everything a competition.
Just go with the flow!
(My apologies if this isn’t very coherent, its currently 6:30 Am on a Friday and i just got to work so I’m not truly awake yet ahah)
Until Next time! Take Chances! Make Mistakes! GET MESSY!!!